What we want II

I’ve had a lot of interesting responses to my recent post on ‘What we want’. Based on the philosophy of Epicurus and influenced by Alain de Botton’s book The Consolations of Philosophy, I talked about the real requirements for a happy life. However the really popular inclusion was an indulgent wish list. Just about everybody I corresponded with provided wish lists of their own. Those I was able to talk to directly laughed about it and washed it off as if it was impossible to attain but nice to contemplate – just a bit of a joke really. On reflection though, I realised that most of us really did want those things in some way but felt that we could never achieve them. Yet some people do. Why is that? Are they smarter than us? Luckier? More ruthless? More persuasive? Better?

For those of us with a healthy ego it’s a bit hard to swallow that materially successful people are better than us in some way. Surely they’re just plain lucky … Won the lottery … Had rich parents? Well, yes, some are those things; but many aren’t. They appear as singular individuals, driven by a strong sense of self belief and worth, capable of finding a clear path through the generations of problems and hurdles in their paths while staying single minded in their determination to reach a goal.

Now there is a general hope, certainly in the pulp print and broadcast media, that those with significant material success are bloody miserable deep down. That they are unfulfilled … Spiritually deficient … Morally bankrupt … Heading for the fall that must surely come.  The truth of the matter is that most of them are none of those things. So what are they?

Well, I think if they share one trait it is their ability to live in the present. Of all l the folks I talked to about their wish list, no one had a current plan to achieve any of those things (me included). We tend to either dwell in the past (if only I’d done that, or if only they hadn’t done that TO ME ….) or the future (one day my prince will come …).

Maybe it’s the pace of current life, or the fundamental comfort zone that the majority of us find ourselves in, but life happens TO us. We shape our lives in a proactive way only in fits and starts (making career and study choices every few years then falling into the groove.)

Now what’s wrong with that? Nothing really. If we’re happy with our lot, then our wish lists can remain shared jokes. As Epicurus and de Botton aver, as long as we have some modicum of personal comfort, friends, and physical and intellectual freedom we have all that’s required for a happy life.

If we do desire more than that however, and we don’t want to wait for the statistical equivalent of comet strike, then we need to understand ourselves very well, focus on the now, and be prepared to challenge ourselves daily. Not a bad recipe actually.

A place to start is by engaging in serious self-reflection and identifying and charting our desires in what becomes our personal treasure map and covenant.

More on that later …

Comments

[Rhapsody]

Our happiness is our responsibility as hard as that is for most people to contemplate and believe it is true. What separates those that achieve all or most of they want and desire including happiness from those that do not is fear. Fear is an immobilizer and when coupled with toxic belief systems of unworthiness, which many hold secretly, can become an insidious hindrance and erosion to ones accomplishments, goals and self-esteem. It is not that those that manage to attain all that they want is more worthy than those who do not it is simply that they have not, will not and do not allow fear to direct & misdirect there course and steer them off their path. The other simple yet complex part of it is that “they” no matter the challenge or obstacle believe to their core that they are worthy and can and will achieve anything. The fact of the matter is we do not become what we fear; we become what we believe. As you stated part of the solution is self-reflection. It also calls for a closer examination of ones core belief systems about who we are and what we truly deserve with a steadfast determination to root out any and all toxic believes that is poisonous to the psyche that hinders ones path to greatness.